My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
