all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
