it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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