all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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