We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
