I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
