Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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