so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's like heaven, but drunker
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
