Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
this is an emotional support booty call
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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