idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
