You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
