i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
