i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
