we're blogging at a bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
