you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I deserve this hangover.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
