ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
