I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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