so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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