You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
