unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
