Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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