tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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