i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
