You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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