Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
