I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
