New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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