Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
