I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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