Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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