he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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