Quick, to the slutcave!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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