god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
