apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
