So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
