i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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