You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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