I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
