im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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