My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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