You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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