We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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