So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
