I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
