I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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