u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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