This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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