READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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