And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
