I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
