remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
